Marriage

I had the best moment the other day when for some reason my mind was turned to the day I married Peter.

It was a beautiful summer day and he looked so handsome all dressed in white. As I walked out of the dressing room, at the Manti Temple, he was sitting in a chair waiting for me and his old wrestling coach was rubbing his shoulders. It was like he was getting a little pep talk before the big "match".  I am  not certain how to describe the look that was on his face until he looked up and saw me but it was a mixture of nervous, anxious, worried- not sure which of those is right. The best part was that when he looked up and saw me and our eyes met there was relief and then his whole face was smiling! I knew I was making the right choice, his face was the one that had been in my dreams for years and every boy/man I met was compared to him. I believe there were boys that were compared to him before Peter and I were even dating; he had become my standard and I did not even realize it. 

Anyway, my thoughts the other day were more about what I, at 21, thought marriage was about. I thought as I was kneeling across that alter staring into his face and listening to those words that would seal us together for time and all eternity and saying yes, that I knew what marriage was all about. I did but really I did not. I knew we would live together, work together, have children together, we would love and be happy together and yes, I knew we would occasionally fight together and suffer challenges together. 

Those things are true of marriage but there is a whole element of marriage that I could not comprehend or begin to understand.  I realized that marriage is being ready to pick up where your spouse has left off. It is being the calming influence or rational mind during an intense situation or bad experience. It is reassuring one another that everything will be okay when you don't know how it will be or how you will help to make it so but that you know together it will be. Marriage is letting your spouse lean on your faith in God and his plan when their own is weak but they have faith in you. Marriage is saying you are sorry. Marriage is learning to face those parts of yourself that are your weakest and knowing that you need to work on making them better for this person that you love so much and that they will help you on your way. Marriage is being able to figure out how to address the shortcomings in one another without making yourself appear without flaw. Marriage is knowing when you need to take over where your spouse usually manages because they have hit a breaking point. Marriage is figuring out what your new goals are as your life changes and the dreams you had for yourself and family are altered by the reality you live in. Marriage is seeing the hand of God in your life daily and helping your spouse see it too if they need it. Marriage is all consuming as it should be. Marriage for me was when I knew I did not want anyone but Peter in this world, not even my mom (sorry mom) as I faced what seemed to be a challenge beyond my own strength. Marriage is encouraging and allowing your spouse to fulfill their church calling to the fullest because you both know the blessings that will come are many and great! And yes, marriage is monotonous sometimes. You will do the same thing day in and day out for weeks on end. But, it is highlighted by the moments you steal together and the times you find to laugh at the things your children do or the silly things you say to each other as you scrub dishes after putting children to bed. 

I am so thankful for my marriage to Peter. He is part of me and I am who I am today because of the things he has taught me, shared with me, and brought out in me. That day in August over 13 years ago, I did not fully know what I was saying yes to but it was the best yes I have ever said! 

I love you Peter!