The Lord Giveth

I know this is usually followed with "and the Lord taketh away" but I don't know that I feel that way exactly. My world has kind of been turned upside down over the last few days.

Tuesday afternoon I went in for what I thought would be routine 2nd trimester testing. I expected just lab work which was done but, I also had an ultrasound that showed our baby had died about 2 weeks ago. There was no heartbeat and it was measuring small.

Wednesday, I saw my doctor and it was decided that the best course of action would be to induce labor and have the baby pass that way.

Thursday, Peter and I spent 12 hours at the hospital inducing labor, delivering our tiny angel boy and recovering-well somewhat.

As I drove home from my appointment on Tuesday, my mind was racing with all sorts of things. I spent the evening with Peter trying to wrap my head aorund this. I should say that both Peter and I had a slightly off feeling about this pregnancy. We were excited but I just kept feeling something would go wrong. But I had 2 ultrasounds and had seen the baby's heartbeat and seen the baby move and I would have been 17 weeks today so I could not deny that I was pregnant and not share it with those around me. My greater fear/anxiety became that I would carry this baby to term and something would happen at delivery and I did not know how I would be able to deal with that.

I have been able to deal with this through the power of the priesthood and a sure knowledge of our Heavenly Father's plan of salvation and plan for me. And so the Lord has given me: a wonderful husband who is a worthy priesthood holder and loves me so very much; three beautiful children that I get to hold and love each day; a body that is able to have children; life experiences that have lead me to know that each test and trial is for a reason that will make me a better and stronger person; extended family who though they may be far away their love can be felt in our home; a ward family that has served us in so many ways-especially my Relief Society sisters; temples so that I have been able to make sacred covenants that allow for an eternal family as long as I prove faithful; and most importantly a Savior that through his atonement and resurrection makes it possible to have this sweet spirit again to raise in the eternities.

I am sure that I do not fully understand what this healing process will be like and I know I will carry this with me for the rest of my life but a scripture that has given me comfort for years is in my mind this morning: D & C 24:8 "Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with the, even unto the end of thy days."